Sunday, December 16, 2012

Boy Bits - Part 4

It took me a while to want to date again after the big break-up with Zach. But eventually, I had to get back out there. The next boy from my past to talk about is Wolf, and along with him there are a couple other guys to mention as well.

After graduation and starting my first real job, buying my first car, I moved into an awesome apartment with two of my sorority sisters. Let the fun begin! One night a bunch of us went up to Little Bear in Evergreen to party and we ended up meeting a big group of guys who we spent the evening getting to know. The best thing about this group of guys is that two of them had also just moved into the same apartment complex we had moved into! Small world - we meet a group of guys in a different city who live literally across the parking lot from us! I actually thought they were pulling something over on us, but they weren't.

A couple of the girls paired off for some fun and dancing and I did the same. The boy I liked for the night was Kyle. We had a lot of fun together and he ended up being the guy who had me jump back into the dating pool.

Kyle and I ended up spending the weekend together and we had a lot of fun. But he wasn't one of the guys who lived here; he was just visiting from Salt Lake City. The whole group of guys was from a Air National Guard unit from SLC, and some of them were temporarily stationed out here. There was no way the thing with Kyle would ever be more than just that weekend and that was just fine with me. I didn't need nor want something serious after Zach. Though Kyle went back home, my group of girlfriends still hung out with the other guys pretty frequently. In fact, I ended up being really good friends with two guys - Wolf and Chris, and would go out with them a lot. (Wolf is his last name, and I don't usually call people by their last names, but he never went by his first name, so Wolf it was.)

One evening Chris, Wolf, and I were going to meet a bunch of people at a bar in Wash Park and Wolf asked what was happening with me and Kyle. This was a couple weeks after Kyle had left and we had never talked about him before, so I was kind of surprised. I told him that nothing was going on with him. Why would there be? He lived in Salt Lake and I was here... Wolf seemed totally shocked. He said something to the effect of - if certain people had known that, things might be different. I didn't totally get what he meant right then, but later that night Wolf let it be known that he liked me. It was a good thing because I actually liked him, too, but had never made a move because I thought it might be weird after the weekend I spent with Kyle. Guess we were in the same boat.

Me & Wolf - not a great pic, but one of the few I have of us

After that night, Wolf and I started dating. There were some really great aspects to dating him. He was another one of those genuinely nice guys. He got along with everybody and had a ton of friends who all loved him and respected him. He was not shy about his feelings for me and would demonstrate his affections without reluctance. One of my favorite memories of that was from a night we were out at a bar near our apartment complex. Wolf was sitting down and I was standing next to him while we talked to one of my friends. I put my arm around his shoulder and instead of putting his arm around my waist, he wrapped his arm around one of my legs, between my thighs - a totally intimate way of touching. No one would ever mistake that we were just friends with such a touch.

Wolf and his roommate lived across the parking lot, so that was incredibly convenient - we didn't have to go far at all to be with each other. He liked to go out as much as I did, and there were numerous parties at his apartment or mine. He was attentive to me when we were with his friends or out in a group, always checking on me, making sure I had a drink, giving me a kiss, etc.

It was at one of those parties at his apartment when I had another of those totally memorable kisses. (You first have to understand that though Wolf was not a passive person by any means, I was the one who made most of the first moves in our relationship.) I was just coming back from the bathroom and Wolf met me in the hallway. He put his arm out across the hall, stopping me from passing. I just leaned up against the wall and looked at him. He put his other arm on the other side of me, caging me in. He pressed the length of his body against mine without moving his hands, and gave me a seriously passionate kiss. The kind that takes away your breath and makes your heart pound and your knees weak. Then he stepped back and went back to the party without saying anything. It was incredibly hot. It took me a minute to compose myself enough to return. :)

But there was a not so great aspect to dating him, too. He was only here temporarily - his real home was Salt Lake City. He went back there often. Sometimes that meant he missed important events here. He wasn't here for Christmas or New Years Eve. In fact, I ended up taking Chris to a friend's Christmas party since Wolf wasn't here. And because he was gone so much, I was left feeling unsure about exactly where our relationship stood some of the time. When he was here, we were obviously together. All of my and his friends knew it - we were a part of each other's lives. But when he was in SLC, I didn't know what he was doing. I didn't know if he was seeing someone else there. But I didn't ever ask him to clarify. Therefore, I didn't know if I should see other people. And I wasn't exactly trusting after Zach. I always wanted more from Wolf, but was too gun-shy to ask for it. I just went along with what we did have.

As the ANG contract here wrapped up, Wolf started spending less and less time in Denver and more in Salt Lake. He moved out of his apartment and into an extended stay hotel. I didn't see him as often, which was hard for me. But I still hung out with Chris quite a bit because he had become a good friend over the months, and he didn't go back to Salt Lake anywhere as often as Wolf did. Eventually, Chris and Wolf's job in Denver ended completely and they both moved back to Salt Lake. I kept in touch with Chris - it was easy because we were just good friends. I tried to keep in touch with Wolf, but it was just too difficult when I wanted more from him.

I let him go.

I truly believe this was a huge mistake. I wish I would have tried harder with him.

That summer, a couple months after they moved away, Chris came back to Denver to visit. We ended up meeting up for drinks, hanging out in his hotel catching up, and one thing led to another... I honestly don't know why we did what we did, but... we did. Neither of us had ever expressed any attraction to each other, we were just good friends. But it's not like either of us was cheating on somebody, either. After all, Wolf and I hadn't been together for a couple months by this time. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I think we were both just lonely and we were comfortable with each other. Sometimes a good friend can fill a void. But I still felt guilty.

Me & Chris - again, not a great pic...
I guess Chris felt guilty, too. Because he ended up telling Wolf what happened between us. Wolf called me up ranting and raving. He was pissed! Which didn't make a ton of sense to me, since he hadn't made a huge effort with me since he moved away. Why should he care who I got together with? But he did care and now he said he was done with me. Meanwhile, I had already thought we were done.

I think that if Wolf and I had tried harder, and I hadn't fooled around with Chris, we might have been able to create something together, even living in different states. But he said some really ugly things to me and I hurt his pride. We couldn't get past that and we went our separate ways. Chris and I agreed that his friendship and working relationship with Wolf was more important so we said goodbye to each other, too.

I never heard from either of them again.

Damn. The end of this is totally depressing. I honestly look back on my time with Wolf and Chris mostly with affection. It's not all sadness. Really.

No comments:

Post a Comment