Sunday, August 21, 2011

Visiting Mecca - I Mean Ikea

I was so super excited for Ikea to finally open a store here in Colorado.  It felt like it took forever for them to build the blue and yellow monstrosity down near Park Meadows Mall, but actually it went pretty quickly.  I never planned to go right when they opened; I knew I wanted to wait a while for the crowds to die down.  But I don't know that the crowds are ever actually going to die down.  Why I need to go - I rearranged my guest room and now have room for a small desk, so I found one in Ikea's catalog.  And of course I need all the fun organizing accoutrements to go with the desk, too, like a wall shelf, a metal rod that stuff hangs off of, and a magnetic strip with little containers for paperclips, etc.  Eventually I'm also going to replace the bookshelves in there as well so everything can match.  And I'm going to get a new cocktail table and end table for my living room.  But first I need Michelle & Russ to have their garage sale so that I have somewhere to get rid of the existing stuff.

I finally got down there yesterday.  I thought that if I went at "dinner time" there would be less families crowding the place, but boy was I wrong!  First you encounter the police and traffic directors directing everybody to a place to park.  I was shocked that they were still doing this.  Honestly, I think things would go more smoothly without them.  For example, when I left, I didn't want to go north to Dry Creek.  I wanted to go south to County Line because I wanted to go to Chick-fil-A while I was in the suburbs.  But they wouldn't allow any cars to go south and because of that, Chick-fil-A didn't get my business and now it's Sunday and they're not open!  But I digress.

I go to the lot I'm directed to without realizing how far away from the entrance it is.  I hike up the hill and across the street, entering the main Ikea lot at the back.  There are no helpful signs directing us poor walking folks where to go from here.  So I just start following a woman and her two kids.  She probably thought I was a stalker.  Finally after going down a level and walking for like a mile, I see the entrance signs!  YAY!  Up two levels and we're there!

Now, I must say that I've been to an Ikea before.  With Kristen in Portland.  So I was familiar with the drill already.  But obviously most people don't understand it and there were very few Ikea personnel near the door to explain to people that it's not necessary to get a cart now.  Don't worry.  Just pick up a bag, a pencil, and a map and you'll be good.  It was kind of a cluster-fuck.

I also did my  homework before I went because I recently got a catalog in the mail.  I pretty much knew exactly what I wanted and knew which areas I would find the items in.  I didn't need to browse through each display to check everything out.  Which is good because I probably would have killed somebody if I had to do that with all the throngs of meandering people.  I don't have the patience for throngs of meandering people.  Or for the people who go against traffic - there's arrows on the floor for a reason, people!

Oh, the people!  Ai yi yi!  Nobody was paying attention to anybody around them.  They'd stop without warning right in the middle of the main aisle without regard to the hundreds of people behind them.  They'd leave their (empty) carts everywhere and anywhere, clogging up traffic.  They'd walk five abreast, making it so passing was practically impossible.  Parents were letting their kids jump all over the furniture - I literally saw one boy do a belly flop on a bed.  His parents did nothing to reprimand him.  The last section they heard you through is the children's section - I couldn't get out of there quick enough!

Next you go downstairs to collect everything you want.  While this was a little less insane than upstairs, it was still crazy.  And this is where you tend to spend more money than you ever planned.  Why buy plain cotton drapes when you can buy velvet?  It's only a few dollars more.  And though I only had a cheese grater on my list, yes I do need a cheese slicer, too.  And yes I also need a garlic press.  And those super cute lime green napkins, too.  You always need napkins, so why shouldn't they be cute ones from Ikea?  And those cute shapes ice trays.  And the well-priced towels.  It never ends!

The calmest part was the boxed furniture section.  Ahhhhh..... Serenity.....  Though you really should have a shopping buddy to help you move those heavy boxes, which I didn't.  Nor did I have room left in my cart for the big box.  And since there is no way I could maneuver both my regular cart and a flat cart, I had a very precarious situation on my hands.  I made it work though.  Check-out here I come!  Holy shit!  How did I spend so much money?!?!  Ummmm,  okay.

Now, how do I find my way to my car?  Let's just say that I think I spent as much time walking to the car as I did in the store.  There was absolutely no easy way from the entrance to the lot I parked in, while maneuvering a heavy cart.  And the guys directing traffic in the main parking garage were no help.  One guy directed me to an exit that had stairs.  Hmmm... not gonna work with a cart filled with a ton of shit.  The next guy told me to go back up to the front, out to the side and around the whole building.  Four miles later I was out to the street that my parking lot was on, but I was way down at the bottom of a hill.  I looked forlornly up the hill towards the lot, really not looking forward to a hike with my getting-heavier-every-second cart.  Then a parking directer took pity on me and told me he'd push my cart to my car for me.  Such a nice man!  Finally at the third lot we come to, I say - this is it!   We're here, we're finally here!  Thank god I can finally sit down!

I was too exhausted to put together my new stuff last night, so I still haven't gotten to see the fruits of my labors.  And now I'm getting a cold.  Although I sort of felt it coming on before I went to Ikea, I'm still going to blame it on the throngs of people and germs there.  As soon as I have the new bookshelves in there too, I'll take pictures.  I just hope I can actually psych myself up enough to go back!

No comments:

Post a Comment